this is a pretty raw post - these are the thoughts I had, this morning, that I just couldn't shake - so I knew I had to release them into the universe. :)
i’m so ready to be in a creative space. i’m so ready to be creatively inspired again. recently, it just feels like living on the exact same streets, repeating mostly the exact same routine throughout these years, has exhausted me.
the sterility of this environment. the college environment - the structure, the classes, the follow-the-rules. it fulfills one part of my personality. i like studying, learning, doing my best and finding success in classrooms. i like research, projects, the feeling after submitting a long paper.
but there's another piece, that feels like it has gone unfulfilled for too long. only halfway given attention.
my creativity, it’s not getting its space to bloom.
i’m inspired by the tiny spaces in between skyscrapers in big cities that allow the sunlight to spill through onto the sidewalk below. i’m inspired by new spaces where people are fascinating, they’re all strangers and i can’t determine what it is that makes me so inexplicably drawn to their mannerisms and interactions. i'm especially inspired by travel, the use of color in different cities' architecture, the fashion of their inhabitants.
i do everything i can to try - i fit photo adventures in on the weekends around classes and i take self-portraits with lillies in my bedroom. i work jobs and take on photo sessions in the city - anything to get me out, and connecting and exploring.
but in philadelphia, the winters grow long. it’s almost april and the weather still hovers around freezing and i’m sick and tired of the cold.
i’m creatively inspired by being out there in the world, and i'm ready for more of that.
i yearn for more - i yearn to move, to travel, to be out exploring the streets. i want to rent my own place, meet new roommates and fill my home with candles & plants.
it's not that i'm unhappy, it's just that i have the feeling that i think perhaps many almost-graduates do: i'm ready to move on. only a few weeks left.